Now that I am older, I look back on my life with more of a reflexive or philosophical point of view. We can’t go back and make changes, but I really, really, really wish that I had become a Jesus follower very early on. They were wasted years when I didn’t know my Lord and Savior, Jesus. Now, I have total and complete joy in my life. It is a lot better than just transient happiness. And I have real peace deep down inside me. My relationship with Jesus has transformed my life. But, the Lord is faithful and He kept working on me. It took me a long time to know and understand the truth, and here is how it started.
My early life was pretty interesting. As a kid, I lived in Florida, Georgia, Alaska, Panama, Texas and Bangkok + Udonthani, Thailand. I went to a different school almost every year. My family was not religious. My parents would have called us Christians, but we never went to church or read the Bible. And they believed that all religions led to God – Christianity was just one way to God. When I was in high school, my Mom started back to a Lutheran church and I usually went with her. I even took confirmation classes to learn the basics of Lutheran beliefs. However, these sessions were Saturday mornings for many months, not where a teenage boy wants to be. I met my wife-to-be in high school Spanish class. Her family were all committed Christians and were at the church whenever the doors were open: Sunday morning and evenings, Wednesday services, visitations, youth groups, etc. I began going to church with them on Sundays and did that for several years.
However, when we got married, we didn’t set foot in a church for almost 17 years. I joined the Army as an Engineer officer as soon as I graduated from the University of Florida. My first 13 years in the Army was fascinating and interesting as a construction/engineering officer. The second 17 years was equally fascinating where I engaged in combat engineering. I planned and worked to make sure Army units could go where they needed to go under any conditions, would be survivable during a conflict and to impede enemy forces by using terrain and obstacles.
During all this time, I considered myself a Christian. But I was indifferent. The Army is a tough life and Sundays were a time for fun and rest – not going to church. For ten years, my wife and I did not have children. We had plenty of money and time for travel and recreation.
Mid way through my Army career, I had a very good, but also very difficult transition going from construction and engineering to being a combat engineer. I ended up making a lot of mistakes but became a pretty good combat engineer. At my career midpoint, I was super successful in the Army: another promotion, selections to a prestigious school, instructor at the school and command of a battalion. Everything in the Army is public, so all your friends and peers know of your successes and acknowledge them. All in all, this was an Army Engineer officer’s dream.
At the same time, I had a sweet loving wife, 2 darling daughters, a beautiful home in the countryside, a high-end Audi, a Fiat 124 convertible sports car and plenty of money in the bank. I was in fabulous physical condition. I had everything a man could ever dream of. I was happy, but I also knew something was missing. I didn’t know what it was. I used to go for a long run (10 Km) back through the farms and forests on Saturdays. I remember asking myself, “Is this it, is this as good as it gets?” because I couldn’t imagine anything better. But I still felt this emptiness.
Our young daughters were at the age where we felt they needed to go to Sunday school. So, we would take them on Sunday morning to the chapel on post. We would go back to the house to drink coffee and read the newspaper. As young as they were, it didn’t take them much time to see the hypocrisy. So, we started to attend Sunday school and then church. We continued like this for many years. We were active in the church and I thought I was probably a pretty decent Christian. We attended Christian training classes and volunteered at the church. We even started a prayer breakfast at one of our assignments. And I was the president of the church parish council at another assignment. Those who didn’t know me well probably thought I was a “good Christian”. Those who did know me well weren’t so sure that I was a “good” Christian. I was a “work in progress” but still did not have a personal relationship with Jesus.
That all changed when I retired from the Army. We moved to South Florida where I worked as a marketing and sales executive. I was part of a Sunday school class where the instructors were never prepared. A buddy of mine and I thought we could do a lot better (our arrogance). We started our own Sunday school class for adults. I then spent hours in the Bible each week, preparing for class. After doing this for about a year, I woke up one morning and realized that I was now a disciple of Jesus, I had fallen in love with Him.
The Word of God is beautiful, wise and powerful. It completely transformed my life as a committed Christian. I went on to become a deacon in our church and also taught a home group. I did these for the next 7 years. Everyone has seen an incredible transformation in my life. I love the Lord more than anything and everything and try to be faithful and obedient to Him. The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves. Everything that He leads us to do, commands us to do or counsels us to do is the best possible thing for us. He loves us so much; He only wants the best for us. His commands are not burdensome and will lead us to the best possible life.
As I matured as a Christian, I came to know and love God more and more. I recognized His unfathomable love and mercy. I realized that He is the Creator of all that there is, both seen and unseen. Every good thing I have and everything I am is a gift from God. I was a sinner, badly in need of forgiveness, and I still need it. But now I experience unfathomable peace and joy which I want to share with everyone.
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